


Yours

by heonniebread



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Making Out, Romance, Slice of Life, Valentine's Day, super fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:14:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23159113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heonniebread/pseuds/heonniebread
Summary: Through everything, even when Changkyun thought Jooheon would leave him, they’ve always come back together.
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Jooheon
Comments: 9
Kudos: 127





	Yours

**Author's Note:**

> happy a whole month late valentine's day

“Yo,” There it is, the first whine. “ _Kyunnie_. Don't leave me."

They've been through this thousands of times before, but Jooheon still gets whiny when Changkyun lies the phone on a surface when they’re facetiming. But he calls at weird times and gets sulky when Changkyun lets it ring through to voicemail, so he has no right to get cranky when he gets left staring at the ceiling. At least Changkyun answered. It's not Changkyun's fault Jooheon called while we was getting changed.

Changkyun misses the pant leg and almost falls forward, almost knocks out all his front teeth on his dresser. “I’m naked!”

“How long does it take you to put on pajamas?!”

“Two seconds!”

“It’s been two minutes!”

Although Changkyun would never admit it out loud, he loves this. He loves that Jooheon makes such an effort to be his friend, to be so involved in his life, because Changkyun gets kind of bad at that. He gets kind of bad at keeping in touch; isolates himself, regrets it in the end but has a hard time voicing his concerns. Jooheon, though, understands. He always understands, and he asks, and showers Changkyun in love, but never pushes. He calls or texts whenever he can, shows up to Changkyun’s apartment whenever possible. Even if it’s for an hour or so. Even if it’s just to drop something off.

“Has _not_.”

“Please!” Jooheon’s probably kicking his legs out by now. “I’m sad. Comfort me.”

“I’m coming, you big, soft marshmallow.” Another reason why sometimes Changkyun doesn’t understand why Jooheon is so actively a part of his life; they’re very, very different people. They’re like those ‘polar opposite’ tropes in fiction: cat and dog, night and day, sun and moon, outgoing jock and quiet nerd. Which was literally them in high school. Changkyun; the quiet Science nerd with huge glasses and graphic novel t-shirts and hair curtained long enough to try and hide his acne. Jooheon; the Soccer player with dimples that wooed the girls and wore a jersey with his name on it and drowned in Valentine cards on Valentine’s Day

Today, he doesn’t have a Valentine card. He doesn’t even have a Valentine. They’re nearing a decade past high school and things have changed; their ideas of romance and relationships are a little different, now. Valentine's Day means half-off chocolates the day after, when back in school it was a popularity contest (one Jooheon always lead the running for, and Changkyun always lost.)

So, so much has changed since high school. Jooheon, for one, is out and proud and struggling to find a guy that’s looking for the long-term. It’s been almost a year since his ex, and he’s been whining about this holiday since pink and red paraphernalia went up in stores about a month ago. Changkyun, on the other hand, has been single since he graduated university. One night stands and a handful of dates later, and nothings sparking his interest. He’s open to dating and trying (though not not nearly as hard as Jooheon,) but has settled into a comfortable rhythm in his life; work, weekend TV-show binge sessions, has finally picked up back on reading, visits his family, enjoys time with his friends, that he's pretty content being single.

What's been consistent since high school though, is _them_ : Im Changkyun and Lee Jooheon.

Changkyun throws a hoodie on, leaves the hood over his head and rolls into bed, lights dimmed, perfect for a night in with plans to do nothing. He lies atop the covers and rests against his pillow, picking the phone back up and angling it towards him. Jooheon’s making a face, and they both laugh.

“Debbie’s been really pushy about me dating.” Debbie, right, the co-worker Jooheon only sorta likes. “Her daughter’s getting married so marriage must be on her mind because she’s tellin’ me I should ‘consider finding a man’.” Changkyun just stares at Jooheon, hates that sad glaze that covers his eyes. “As if I’m not. I’ve matched with like, ten guys on Tinder this past week and they’re all different from last week but they’re not… nothing’s...” Jooheon paws at his face, and his voice comes out thin and tired. “Nothing’s _clicking_. What the fuck’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing’s wrong with you.” Changkyun closes his eyes. “Joo, it’s better that you keep looking instead of just settling on anyone.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jooheon waves his hand at the camera, then covers his face with a hand. “I know they want to be supportive, since it is I, the single homosexual at my job and it is I, the LGBTQ informant and representation of the workplace," he sounds so tired, Changkyun can only imagine how infuriating it must really be, "but it’s annoying. I don’t want to be asked why someone’s cousin showed up with two fingernails shorter than the others— like how am I supposed to tell fifty-six year old Margie that it’s because her grand-daughters a lesbian and that’s for fingering. Like, figure that out on Google, please, and— how’d I get on this rant? Oh,” Jooheon snaps his fingers. “Asking me why I’m not dating men when I’m gay isn’t supportive. It’s fucking annoying and rude. It’s! Not! My! Fault! I’m! Single!”

“Kinda wanna be the one to break the news to Margie, though.” Changkyun has met Margie. She’s dramatic. “Besides, you’ve dated. You were with your ex when you started that job. Why the fuck are they bothering you?” Changkyun has met all of Jooheon’s ex-boyfriends. He didn’t like most of them. He still gets angry when he thinks of that one guy Jooheon dated three years ago, a guy that broke it off ‘because it was just a summer fling’ when Jooheon wasn’t aware it was a summer fling. Changkyun held him every night for almost a week while he cried.

If Changkyun ever saw him again, there’d be nothing that could hold him back. That ex acted great, gave Jooheon the attention he deserved, even made the effort to reach out and be friendly with Changkyun. Changkyun almost thought the two would be a good fit, only for it to end it the way he did, through a phone call, when the ex had already been at the airport on his way home.

“Yeah but I’m not _dating_. Present tense. There’s a difference.”

Changkyun opens his eyes and sees Jooheon’s frowning at him.

“Are you falling asleep on me?”

“No! Tell me more about your shitty coworkers.” Changkyun knows them all by name. And by face. He's social media stalked them. It's acceptable now a days.

Jooheon laughs a little. "You know what I want?”

“What?”

“To be one of those cutesy couples that don't go to bed mad each other, and trust each other no matter what, and loves listening to the other person rant about their passions even if I don't get what’s going on." He sighs. "Like? Why? I can’t match on these stupid dating apps. All the dudes in my area aren’t… What I’m looking for. This dude matched with me and asked me to send pics of my feet.”

Changkyun slaps a hand over his mouth and snorts loudly through his fingers. “Some people get paid for feet pics, cash that shit in.”

“That’s weird!” Jooheon blinks up at the ceiling, as if considering the idea for a second. “No! I won’t. I don’t want to! I don’t wanna send pics of my feet! Also not looking for a one and done! This other dude, man, I wish you were here to see it— wait, no. You don’t want to see dick pics.”

Eh, he’d be indifferent either way. So Changkyun shrugs, “Dudes sending you dick pics? What a dude thing to do.”

Jooheon scrunches up his face. “I know, I _know_ , but still. This guy asked if I measured in inches or centimeters and then sent a dick pic like!! This isn’t what I asked for!”

Changkyun can’t help it, he’s still fixed on one thing. “I can’t remember what your feet look like. Get a pedicure and sell feet pics.”

“Dude.” Jooheon whines again.

“I bet you have cute ass feet.”

After a pause, “Are you offering to buy my feet pics?”

Changkyun laughs and rolls over. “If it helps a bro out, why not.”

“You’re so weird.”

They both laugh about it, until Jooheon’s screen goes grey, and then he’s back a second later fake-crying into his hands. “Dick pic guy sent me another.”

“Wow,” Changkyun rolls his eyes. “Classy. Are you even sending them back?”

“I’ve never sent a dick pic!”

Changkyun stops laughing. “You’ve what?”

Jooheon's scandalized gaze stares back at him. “What what?”

“Wait.” Changkyun rolls over on his stomach, holds his phone in front of him. “You’ve never sent a dick pic?”

“No!” Jooheon squeaks. He’s embarrassed. He’s not lying. Changkyun knows that squeak. “ _You_ have?!”

“Uh, _duh._ ”

“Oh, _no_.” Jooheon covers his face with a hand. “Oh _nooooooooooooo_.”

Changkyun loves seeing Jooheon get flustered. He doesn't usually get vocal about his sex life, though Changkyun knows it existed at some point in time. “You’ve never sexted?”

“Please tell me you’ve never send an unsolicited dick pic.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes. “Only if it’s mutual. You didn’t answer my question.” Jooheon tips his head away, avoiding eye contact. “You’ve never sexted?”

“You did not—!” Jooheon’s bright red now and Changkyun’s eating it up. “I haven’t, okay?! Who the heck did _you_ sext?”

“A few girls, in college.” Changkyun barely thinks about them anymore. He liked it though— likes it. He likes trying new things, likes foreplay, likes being adventurous, and Jooheon’s always so sweet and kind it’s almost kind of weird to think of him in any other light.

Not that Changkyun’s into Jooheon. Or men. Or thinking about that.

“I just want…” Jooheon sounds small, timid, and Changkyun’s heart twists bittersweetly. “I want a boyfriend. I want to be with someone that wants to be with me, too.”

Jooheon doesn’t deserve this. Jooheon doesn’t deserve to be sad or upset or lonely. He’s the fucking _sun._ And as Jooheon’s best friend, it’s Changkyun’s job to do something about it.

“What are you doing tonight?”

“Gonna watch a cheesy, pathetically hetero romcom because that’s all the rage, and eat my weight in ice cream.”

“Let’s go out.”

Jooheon peeks at him through his fingers. “And do what?”

“Let’s get dinner.”

“Uh.” Jooheon squints at him. “It’s Valentine’s Day.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes. “So then I’ll fine wine and dine you.”

“You’re not gonna find a single place that’ll seat us.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“No.”

Too bad. “Be ready in an hour.”

Changkyun hangs up on him and starts Googling.

**__________________________________________**

For someone that seemed so skeptical, Jooheon sure looks like he tried; a long coat, a turtleneck, and his signature light wash tattered jeans. He looks good. Date-worthy good. Like Changkyun feels the pressure, kind of good. He’s wearing that cologne, too, that Changkyun knows he spent way too much on because they shopped for it together. It’s light and not overpowering while still managing to be masculine. Changkyun had spritzed himself with his roommates cologne, because Hoseok owns way too many and doesn’t mind if he goes in and takes some every once in a while.

“Oooh,” Jooheon reaches for Changkyun’s wrist and brings it to his nose. “Which one is this?”

“I have no idea.”

“It’s Hoseok-hyungs?”

“Yep.” Changkyun pops the ‘p’, pulls his car out into the road. “I found a place that’ll take us.”

Jooheon shoves his phone into his pocket, sounds uninterested. “Like, what? A Chili’s?”

“Hey. Don’t be mean to Chili’s.”

Jooheon frowns at him. “Where?”

“There’s this Italian place downtown, they’re pretty booked but they said they’d have a table on the patio.” It’s winter. It’s cold. Jooheon’s already winding up to complain. “It’s covered and heated! We’ll be fine!”

“If I have to sit outside in the cold our friendship is over.”

“You’ll be fine!”

“Our friendship is on the line.”

**__________________________________________**

The walk from where they manage to find parking to the restaurant is longer than either of them had planned to walk. Changkyun, wearing a zip up hoodie under his leather jacket, pulls the hood up. Jooheon tucks himself under Changkyun’s arm, shivering and complaining he should’ve brought a scarf. He takes Changkyuns hands and tries to warm them up with his own, muttering how Changkyun's an adult he should be wearing gloves, too. Jooheon's warm enough, at least. He's always warm. Changkyun snuggles closer to him, and they dive into the restaurant when they get there, desperate for warmth.

“Reservation for two.” Changkyun holds up two fingers. “Daniel.”

Jooheon chokes back a laugh. Changkyun elbows him.

“Of course.” The waitress scribbles on her IPad. “Follow me.”

The patio is, thankfully, covered and heated. It’s really cute, strung up with little heart string lights. Each table has a rose with a matching pink or white or red tablecloth. The dim lighting and gentle ballad music set a romantic tone that Changkyun really hopes Jooheon likes.

A couple of eyes shift towards them as they follow the waitress to the back. Jooheon puts a little distance between them but Changkyun reaches back and grabs him by the wrist, pulling him forward and closer. He knows what it looks like: two grown men coming out on Valentine's Day to a romantic restaurant. He knows some of the looks are unfavorable. He knows. He wants to support his best friend and show that he doesn't care.

The waitress pulls a candle lighter from her pocket and pauses for a fraction of a second as if reconsidering the idea, but lights the heart-shaped candle after catching Changkyun's disappointed glare. “My name is Rachel and I'm your server tonight. Can I start you two with anything?”

“Ice water, for both of us.” Changkyun takes the food and wine menu. He knows nothing about wine, so as soon as the waitress turns away he pulls out his phone and searches the wines.

“We could just get sangrias.” Jooheon flips to the other page.

“No way. I said _fine_ wine and dine.” Changkyun plugs in the next wine on the menu, a white wine, says it pairs well with fish dishes. “Ooh, what about fish?”

Jooheon’s eyes light up. “Oooh, you weren’t kidding when you—” He slams the menu shut and leans over the table, excitement gone. “Bro it’s over thirty bucks for a dish.”

“Yeah?” Changkyun blinks at him.

“ _Thirty_.”

“Fine wine!” Changkyun wrestles the menu from Jooheon’s hands. “I said what I said!” He hisses, laying the menu open on the table. “Eat whatever the fuck you want.”

“Bro this is so much money.”

“If you don’t pick I will.”

“Are you two ready to order?”

Changkyun tries to not make it look like he was three seconds away from strangling Jooheon, and smiles up at Rachel. “Can we start with, the, uh,” He picks up his own menu and ignores that Jooheon’s laughing at his inner turmoil over the wine. He doesn’t know how to pronounce it. So he does his best. The waitress takes a second to compute, then smiles and jots it down. Changkyun picks an appetizer at random, one of the ones with mozzarella in it. Jooheon likes mozzarella.

“I’ll be back in a couple of minutes.” Rachel smiles at them and turns around, making her way back to the kitchen.

Changkyun twists back to Jooheon, glaring at him over the rose. “Don’t make me fight you.”

“I’m paying for half of this.”

If it’ll calm him down, “Sure,” but Changkyun won’t even let him cover tip. It’s not happening.

Changkyun spreads the menu out on the table, Jooheon lifts it so it’s covering his face. He keeps peeking over the top, though, like he has something to say. Changkyun knows when he’s ready, he’ll say something. In the meantime, he struggles over half the pronunciations.

“Do you pronounce the two ‘L’s like a 'Y'? Like in Spanish?”

“Uhhhh,” Jooheon puts his menu down. “I have no idea.”

“How do you pronounce the ‘e’? Is it salmón, or salmoné?”

“Wouldn’t it have the thingy?” Jooheon makes a dash motion with his finger in the air. “Like Beyoncé.”

Changkyun stares up at him. Jooheon stares back at him. And then they’re both laughing. They can both be pretty loud separately, but together, they’re an unacceptable restaurant volume. There’s something about Jooheon that just brings it out of Changkyun and he can’t control it; doesn’t want to control it. But they’re in the middle of a fancy Italian restaurant on Valentine’s day and there are a few couples already side eyeing the gay couple, even though they’re not a couple and Changkyun’s straight, and the last thing they need is a complaint against them.

It’s gotten to the point where Changkyun doesn’t care if people mistake their relationship. He and Jooheon have been friends forever. They met at summer camp back in middle school; Changkyun’s mom’s way of having him make friends before he started the new semester at a new school in a new town, and he stuck to Jooheon’s side like glue. Jooheon taught him how to swim in the lake, blew up his floaties when they got low on air, smeared sunscreen on his face (and got it in his eyes so many times little Changkyun thought he was going to go blind) and would cut the crust off his camp-provided peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Jooheon, with a bowl cut and braces, was twelve-year old Changkyun’s knight in shining armor. In return, Changkyun killed the centipedes that crawled between the wooden floorboards of the gazebo by the woods. Still does the centipede killing to this day.

They were only a year apart in school and that kept them out of being in the same classes, but they still sat together at lunch, and hung out outside their lockers, and when Jooheon got a license and a beat-up little coupe, they’d go to school together. Or, at least, try to. The car stranded them on the side of the highway way too many times. Sometimes they’d skip homeroom and get breakfast at McDonald’s. Best friends.

College put them in the same school, different majors, but they dormed together, studied together until three in the morning, got high together the week of midterms and finals, all four years. Best friends.

Jooheon came out to him their second semester, freshman year.

(“I’m gay.”

Changkyun looked up from his Statistic notes. Values swam in front of his vision. “Huh?”

Their desks had been pushed together side by side, it saved some space in the room. Jooheon sat barely an arm’s length away, but he curled in on himself as if he needed more space. “I said, I’m gay.”

And that didn’t change anything. Nothing. Changkyun might’ve been numb, he had an exam the next day, but his slow-processing brain went _Jooheon's gay_ and it just made sense. "Okay, I’m really hungry, can we go get food?”

Changkyun watched, with pride, as Jooheon became more open and confident about it. Jooheon hung the pride flag on his side of the room and openly dated men and cared a little less about who knew. Changkyun, being by his side, got used to the side eyes and poorly concealed hand gestures and accusatory glances when the two of them hung out together.)

They get it together enough by the time the waitress comes back and puts in their orders, she takes the menus and Jooheon leans over the table again.

“I matched with this guy on our way in.”

Laughter bleeds out of Changkyun. His heart crushes in Jooheon’s hands.

“Look, look.”

A sip of wine, first.

The screen shows a cute guy, Jooheon’s age, within a ten mile radius.

Another sip of wine.

They scroll through the few photos, the new angle and outdoor lighting brings him from cute to hot. He has a dog, he has muscles, he’s hiking, he’s playing darts, he’s got his hat backwards and doesn’t look like a douchebag. Fuck him.

“He’s from New York City.” Jooheon says, tapping on the guy’s bio. “Don’t you think he’s out of my league?”

The waitress comes by with their appetizers. Jooheon thanks her, eyes wide and sparkling, dimples deep and charming. He’s so polite, he’s always so polite. Jooheon’s a whole league of his own, so the real question is, is this Tinder-dude-from-New-York in his league?

“Stop.” Changkyun pulls Jooheon’s phone from his fingers, locks it and sets it aside. He doesn’t want to hear about another guy when he’s the one here with Jooheon on Valentine’s day. “Pay attention to me, your date.”

Jooheon furrows his brows, it lasts half a second. “Date?”

“It’s Valentine’s Day.” Something weird tingles under Changkyun’s skin. “This is a date.”

The confused look that Jooheon buries kind of twists Changkyun’s heart. Why can’t it he call this a date? They’re best friends. It’s not weird.

 _It’s not weird_ , he tells himself.

**__________________________________________**

The Arcade is packed, who knew that would be a popular spot for Valentine’s Day? So they wait in line at a local bakery to buy cutesy cupcakes and cannolis with little heart sprinkles. Changkyun stands in line with his arms hooked around Jooheon's shoulders, hanging off him. He keeps giving Jooheon little shakes, squishes their faces together at one point, and tries to eat his own heart when it jumps into his mouth. He's so close to Jooheon. So close. And feels the need to unhook and step away.

Jooheon glances at him, and moves in to link their arms.

They get decaf iced coffees because Jooheon and caffeine after six means all nighters and a cranky Joo the next day.

“Wanna still do ice cream and romcoms?” Changkyun checks the local Redbox. He and Jooheon walk so close they keep bumping into each other. So Changkyun links their arms. “There are no cute gay romance movies?”

Jooheon sips his coffee and shrugs. His phone lights up with a message notification, and Changkyun glares at it. It better not be New-York-Tinder-Guy ruining their night. Jooheon doesn’t reach for it though.

“They’re all tragic or fetishized or written by heteros so, not really.”

“We could, watch, uh, Queer Eye.”

Jooheon sips on his iced coffee again and replies monotonously. “Not a romance.”

Changkyun stops walking so he can scroll through an article. Jooheon presses against his side and hooks his chin over Changkyun's shoulder like its free real estate, and he's warm and cozy so Changkyun leans into him. “There’s gotta be something. I have Netflix, Hulu, Prime _and_ DisneyPlus.”

Jooheon offers no help. “Wow.” He says flatly, sipping on his iced coffee. “Let me save you the trouble, don’t bother with Disney.”

**__________________________________________**

They go to Target and buy snacks, Changkyun buys a heart themed blanket and a candle and Jooheon rolls his eyes at him, but it’s cute, and it makes him laugh, and he deserves to be pampered. All the time. Not just Valentine’s Day.

"Hey," Changkyun needs to use his hands, distract himself. Doesn't know why. "Hoseok-hyung and I renewed our rent for another year." He thinks about the conversation from a week ago, and how he's been trying to find the right time to bring it up to his best friend.

"Mh-hm, yeah." Jooheon skims the label of some face wash. "Kihyun-hyung told me they want to live together." He puts the bottle back and looks at Changkyun, who shifts his gaze down. "What about it?"

"Next year do you want his room?"

Jooheon purses his lips, gaze intent on the skincare like he’s studying it. "Why not?" He doesn’t… sound excited.

"Why didn't we move in together?" Changkyun doesn't know why he asks, or why he thinks of it. He knows the answer: Jooheon wasn't ready to move out. He wanted to live life before worrying about rent; go out on weekends, take vacations. He, Minhyuk and Hyungwon (two of his other friends,) took a two-week trip to Europe last summer. Jooheon had saved up for a while.

Changkyun won't let himself think of the selfies the trio took together— the stupid touristy poses, pretty silhouettes with the warm sunset peeking over shingled roofs, the hotel rooms with one bed, the goofy selfies they took of each other while cuddled up together on a (single) bed. Changkyun likes Hyungwon and Minhyuk, the two are best friends, they're funny and always accepting of him and Changkyun looks up to Hyungwon like an older brother, but he found himself looking at them sideways for a while before and after their trip with Jooheon.

There’s little voice in the back of Changkyun's head telling him Jooheon can have friends that aren't just him, Jooheon's an adult that can plan trips without him, Jooheon's not a blushing virgin and if he wanted to share a bed with two attractive men that are also into men, then he's a grown man. There's no room for jealousy.

Jealousy— what a strange word for Changkyun to put next to his feelings.

"Maybe next year I'll be ready." Jooheon turns away and walks away. Changkyun pushes the cart behind him. "We'd be super cool as roommates." But his tone doesn’t sound like he believes it. Changkyun knows that means he doesn't want it.

"If you don't want to it's no pressure. I can ask Hyungwon-hyung or Minhyuk-hyung."

"I said I don't know." Jooheon has a bite in his voice. "It's a whole year from now we can worry about it later."

They stroll through the aisles because what else do you do in a Target, and Changkyun finds nail polish on clearance and holds up the black one. He wants to dispel the awkwardness that's built between them. Changkyun knows it's his fault.

“High school emo kid me is shaking.”

Jooheon hasn't made eye contact with him since a few isles down. “Let’s paint each other’s nails like high school sleepovers.”

Changkyun throws the nail polish into the basket and grabs some polish remover just in case. He remembers when Jooheon started making other queer friends, how Jooheon started separating his friend groups. It happens. Changkyun knows most of those friends now, but it hurt back then. It hurt when Jooheon started hitting up bars and clubs and assumed Changkyun wouldn't have wanted to go. It hurt when he’d get back to the dorm in a feather boa, reeking of tequila and make-up powder, eyes wide and a smear of red on the corner of his lips, where he’d missed wiping away another guy’s lipstick. And then he’d gush about the night; billiards, cards, the food, the booze, the friends that _understood him._ Changkyun’s biggest fear back then was that Jooheon would leave him.

There were nights when Jooheon wouldn’t even come home, and it’d be Hyunwoo or Hyungwon to text Changkyun and tell him not to worry, Jooheon was crashing with one of them. And Changkyun would feel better, but his stomach would knot all night. He worried about his best friend. Maybe got a little jealous—

There it is. There’s that word again.

“We didn't go to the same sleepovers.” Changkyun mumbles.

“Oh, right.” Jooheon’s gaze flickers to Changkyun, guiding him towards the front of the store. He's probably thinking along the same train of thought, remembering when they fought one night, when Changkyun exploded on him, worrying over whether or not Jooheon got home safe. Jooheon was never one to get too wasted, or do something potentially dangerous, but Changkyun cared for him. Always has.

“C’mon, before the ice cream melts.” Jooheon says, pulling the plug on their Target run shenanigans.

**__________________________________________**

The lights are on back at his apartment, which means Hoseok’s back from his date.

“Hey!” Changkyun grins at Kihyun, Hoseok’s boyfriend of what feels like forever. “How was dinner?”

Jooheon makes his way in to hug both the boys; Hoseok is actually one of those friends from the other circle of friends that Jooheon made so many years ago. It just so happens that when Changkyun was ready to move out and Jooheon wasn’t, Hoseok was looking for similar things in a similar area so they moved in together. And it’s been great. Changkyun loves living with Hoseok; they’ve moved from acquaintances to good friends, and Hoseok has been a shoulder for Changkyun to cry on more than once, or someone to beat the hell out of in Overwatch.

His boyfriend, Kihyun, is also a light in Changkyun’s life. Kihyun is cute and keeps rather to himself until he’s comfortable with someone, and now that he’s comfortable with Changkyun he nags and prods and honestly, he’s the only reason Changkyun has a fairly set laundry schedule. Kihyun will come into his room and yell at him while picking his clothes up on the floor and will strip the bed with Changkyun in it.

Changkyun peeks into his room when Jooheon isn’t looking. There’s a bouquet of pink and white roses mingled with baby’s breath on his bed. He hadn’t had time to buy them before the last minute dinner plans, and Hoseok had been nice enough to stop by a flower shop on his way home to buy the flowers Changkyun wanted to give to Jooheon.

Changkyun turns on the lights in his room and snags the wrapped bundle of roses, presenting it with a flourish. Jooheon lets out a small gasp, like it’s something he’s always wanted, like they weren’t just arguing in a Target and giving each other the silent treatment on the drive home.

Jooheon takes the flowers from Changkyun and moves in for a hug. Changkyun snuggles into an armful of his best friend. Changkyun buries his face into the crook of Jooheon’s neck, where his cologne still clings warmly. Where his skin presses warmly against Changkyun’s cheek. Where he’s just… _warm._

The hug is an apology for getting snappy in Target, and a thank you for the flowers.

“You didn’t have to.” Jooheon mumbles.

Changkyun reaches up to cradle the back of Jooheon’s head, to keep him here for just a little longer. “I wanted to.”

Something a little different, still pretty warm, floods Changkyun’s heart.

“Uh,” Jooheon laughs nervously. “Love ya, bro.”

The words clog Changkyun’s throat.

They’re sitting cross legged on the bed facing each other, the opening to what Changkyun hopes will be a good LGBTQ+ movie paused, so they can paint their nails and let them dry during the show. Jooheon motions with his fingers for Changkyun to give him his hand and Changkyun does, sitting there with his fingers resting in Jooheon’s warm palm, where his touch is so soft, Jooheon leaning almost all the way forward to concentrate on what he’s doing, a small pout on his lips deepening the dimples that are already there. His dimples, ready for kisses. And Changkyun wants to kiss those dimples. He realizes they’ve never held hands. He realizes he wants to kiss those dimples and hold Jooheon’s hand.

And he’s so glad Jooheon’s not looking at his face, that he’s too focused on his task at hand, to realize how Changkyun gets hit with a fucking brick of feelings to the back of his head.

Changkyun wants to give and make Jooheon happy in a way that’s tipped over just friendships. Changkyun’s jealous over Tinder-Dude-From-New-York because he’s a threat. Changkyun buys his friend flowers and brings him on a fancy date and buys him fancy wine and wants to be something normal between them. He doesn’t want Valentine’s Day to be an excuse for it.

The movie’s okay.

Maybe.

Changkyun doesn’t pay attention, spends nearly two hours shuffling through all the times he got jealous, all the times he wanted to be with Jooheon, all the times he wanted to spit at those Tinder hits.

It’s been years and years of this, years and years of Changkyun having feelings and it’s all spread out before him, flashing like an old film where he keeps pressing the button so the stills of moments filled with Jooheon become clearer and clearer, spinning faster and faster.

He spends a good portion of the movie trying to keep his heart from crashing through his ribcage.

He buries himself back into the pillows when the two men on screen kiss and Changkyun wants to do that. He wants to kiss Jooheon.

At the end of the night he sees Jooheon out and gives him a one armed hug in the doorway, his other hand gripping the door handle in an attempt to stabilize himself.

And then Jooheon departs down the hall, clinging his roses to his chest with a little skip in his step and Changkyun wants to make sure he’s always got that skip in his step but instead of him walking away at the end of the day, Changkyun wants Jooheon to comes into his arms, and stay with him the night.

**__________________________________________**

Jooheon calls him when he gets home, "I just wanted you to know… I'm not mad at you."

"Really?" Changkyun flops into bed.

"Yeah," Jooheon brushes his teeth, the phone angled from the counter. It's mostly a view of half his face. "I just… didn't want you to think you did something wrong tonight. I really, really had a lot of fun. You didn't have to do any of this for me."

_"You know what I want?”_

_“What?”_

_“To be one of those cutesy couples that don't go to bed mad each other…"_

Changkyun blinks up at the ceiling. "I'm not mad at you. I'm sorry I keep pushing…"

"I just…" Jooheon's face splits into a beautiful smile. "We'd be great as roomies." Theres a small waver in his voice. "But I dunno what about moving out scares me so much."

They stay on the phone until way too late, talking through the thoughts jumbled in Jooheon's head.

**________________________________________** **_**

When in doubt, go to all-knowing Hoseok.

And Kihyun, too, because it's three days after Valentine's Day and he's been here every day since so he's about to get roped into this mess and it's his own fault since he won't go home.

Changkyun gathers all his courage and nearly stomps into the kitchen but—

But—

Hoseok has Kihyun pressed against the counter and they’re kissing. A lot. With a lot of… whatever— Passion. Changkyun’s brain implodes.

They’re making out. Changkyun can hear the soft breathing and the little slip of a moan, and Kihyun hoists his leg up around Hoseok’s waist and a hand gets lost in Hoseok’s dark hair and Hoseok has him pushed against the counter and Changkyun’s been thinking a lot about kissing. About kissing Jooheon.

Changkyun’s been thinking a lot about kissing Jooheon.

Changkyun’s been thinking a lot about kissing Jooeheon in the way Hoseok and Kihyun are kissing right now.

Changkyun and Hoseok have lived together for a year now and Hoseok and Kihyun have been dating for way longer than that, so it’s not like this is anything really all that new. Changkyun’s seen them smooch at the door, or kiss each other’s cheeks whenever, and Changkyun has (although only like, once, and very faintly) heard their sex noises through the apartment and he didn't give a fuck. But he wants to kiss boys he wants to kiss Jooheon and now he’s thinking even more about it because there are boys kissing in his kitchen.

Fucking up a hasty exit, Changkyun bashes his elbow into the entryway and gasps in pain, his funny bone echoing through his arm and a bruise probably blooming.

“Oh fuck, oh,” Changkyun falls. It might seem dramatic but he’s really going through it right now, okay? “ _Fuck_.”

He hears the two call for him, and he knows it’s Hoseok that helps him up, and it’s Kihyun that laughs, taps against his arm so it hurts a little more because Kihyun’s a bitch like that.

“Sorry, _sorry_.” Changkyun rubs his elbow and stares at their feet. He wears fuzzy socks and they’re striped orange and pink and it’s just— they’re Jooheon’s socks. Changkyun’s wearing Jooheon’s socks and he doesn’t even remember how or why they got here he just remembers that they’re Jooheon’s.

“You okay?”

The look on his face must be awful, because Kihyun doesn’t look even a tiny bit amused anymore, his lips pressed in a thin line and his eyebrows hiked. Hoseok has a hand on Changkyun’s shoulder, and the other one comes around to help pull him up.

Oh, right, Changkyun’s arm doesn’t hurt anymore. He stops rubbing it and lets his arms fall limp. He just— _he just_ — “I’m… not straight.”

The Boyfriends exchange a look.

Changkyun continues to word vomit. “I’m gay— no, that’s not right. I like girls.” Yeah, definitely still likes girls, without a doubt had been interested in all the girls he'd dated or fucked.

He’s not supposed to look at Jooheon walk away and wish he were running into Changkyun’s arms instead, or wish he’d spend the night so Changkyun could wake up next to him, or buy him flowers because it’s romantic and not just because it’s cute or funny or whatever.

“I’m… _something_.” Changkyun stumbles out of Hoseok’s grasp. “Gotta blast.”

He said everything except what he wanted to say so he crash lands into his bed and suffocates himself with a pillow and says, “Holy fuck I think I’m bi.”

Changkyun relaxes into the sheets. Rolls over. Blinks up at the ceiling.

A few minutes later and Hoseok comes in, turns on the lamp at his bedside and sits on the mattress. Kihyun comes and stands in the doorway.

"Hey.”

Changkyun pulls the blankets higher over his head. "I think I’m bi.”

He can only imagine the way Hoseok and Kihyun look at each other.

“Congratulations.” Kihyun sounds like he might be smiling.

Hoseok’s hand pats Changkyun’s tummy. “I’m proud of you.”

“When did you guys…” Changkyun takes a deep breath. “When did you guys figure it out?”

"I was thirteen when I figured it out." Kihyun says. "I didn't know what 'gay' was, exactly, but I felt the way everyone told me I was supposed to feel towards girls, towards boys, instead."

"I was twenty-three." Hoseok says, and Changkyun pulls the covers down and peeks at the couple. "I had never really considered dating a guy but I knew I thought of some of them as attractive, and maybe I'd look too much, or do dumb shit because I wanted to be noticed. It wasn't until Kihyun that I realized those were crushes and I liked guys."

Now Changkyun's fully out from underneath the blanket. He glances between the couple.

"Kihyun made you realize you like guys?"

Hoseok nods. "It was just something that I'd never considered? My family's homophobic," right, Changkyun knows Hoseok doesn't talk to them. "So I avoided those thoughts, you know? Anyway, Kihyun and I were friends, we ended up kind of drunk at a party and all he had to do was get really close and smile real wide and I got all sweaty and realized I wanted to kiss him. That was how I figured it out."

"For the record, he didn't kiss me." Kihyun huffs from the doorway. "He silently pined for weeks until I figured it out."

"I really thought I was being subtle. But this one's got the biggest ego ever, and cornered me when we were hanging out one day." Hoseok rolls his eyes, but he's smiling. Kihyun blows him a playful kiss from the doorway. Changkyun thinks Hoseok and Kihyun are cute together.

Kihyun tilts his head, smiles. "Is it Jooheon?"

"It is." Changkyun needs time to process this. "How come I'm only figuring this out now?"

Kihyun moves into the room and stands closer to the bed. "It doesn't matter when you figure out. But a lot of things are going to make sense, now."

**__________________________________________**

Is Changkyun supposed to say something?

Should he say something?

He doesn't.

He wants to kiss Jooheon and hold his hand and date him, but Changkyun can't figure out when things changed, or how to change things going forward. Or if he even should at all.

When Jooheon comes over for lunch on Saturday acting totally oblivious to Changkyun inner turmoil (naturally, it's not like he's aware) Changkyun tries to remember when he started being jealous. Or when he really started to notice Jooheon's lips; full, plump. Or when he noticed the size of this thighs, or when he started thinking about how they'd feel around his waist.

Oh— that one's new. Definitely new.

Everything else though? Loving Jooheon's company, wanting to bottle his infectious laughter, striving to always make him smile, willing to spend hours on Facetime with him, have always been there. Changkyun's always loved Jooheon.

It's a little past noon, it's snowing out, Jooheon has dimples, Changkyun likes Jooheon in a more than just friends way.

When he gets up to collect their bowls, Changkyun notices that Jooheon looks at him weird. He scrunches his face up and Jooheon relaxes a little, smiling at him. They've been chatting, not doing much but eating and ranting about work, but Changkyun feels only half in the moment, lost in his thoughts somewhere else, too.

When he turns around after rinsing off the dishes, he pats his hands on his sweats to dry them off. Before he can even invite Jooheon to the living room for a movie, Jooheon's standing. He looks… unsure. He looks tentative. He looks like he's trying to calm down a cornered, wounded animal.

Changkyun, shaking slightly, realizes he's the wounded animal Jooheon's trying to calm down.

And then he's wrapping both arms around Changkyun's neck and bringing him in for a tight hug, full of sincerity and support. A hug that Changkyun can melt into, mold into, gain strength from. Jooheon gives some of the best hugs. Changkyun closes his eyes and drops his head against Jooheon's chest, taking what he needs from the embrace.

"You've been on edge this whole time." Jooheon mumbles, gives them a little sway. Changkyun sways with him.

"Sorry, shit's on my mind."

Jooheon pulls away to look him in the face, but doesn't let go.

Wow, they're so close, he's so handsome. His cheeks are so squishy, his lips so pouty, so pretty, so close.

Then they're closer, and closer, and Changkyun's blood pressure skyrockets because he’s kissing Jooheon. Those pretty lips he'd been staring at, thinking of, are pressed against his and Changkyun suddenly doesn't know what do. An alarm rings in his brain and his fingers tighten in Jooheon's sweater. He jerks away, bashes his hand against the counter and stares into Jooheon’s wide-eyed, shocked expression.

_No._

Jooheon’s gaze wavers and his arms fall off from around Changkyun's shoulders.

_Fuck._

Jooheon rubs his hands on his pants, steps away and that breaks Changkyun's grip on his hoodie.

"I'm sorry." Changkyun panics. Fuck, he’s panicking. Jooheon’s just staring at him, confused. "I don't know why I did that I wasn't thinking—"

Jooheon didn't kiss him back.

_Jooheon didn’t kiss him back._

And now he’s stepping away.

"Fuck. _Fuck._ Joo, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t— I didn't mean…. I didn't mean…"

"Kyun…" Jooheon sounds so small and uncertain, looks as lost as Changkyun feels panicked. Changkyun ruined everything. Changkyun ruined everything.

He wants to cry, as tears well up in his eyes and a knot tangles in his throat.

He’s gonna cry.

“No… no, Kyun. Don’t— shit. Don’t cry…” Jooheon’s back in his space, warm, protective Jooheon. “Why’d you kiss me?”

In that moment, Changkyun stops breathing. “Because I want to. I want to kiss you.” Changkyun catches the front of Jooheon’s hoodie pocket, gives him a pleading little tug. "I’m sorry.”

There's a breath, Jooheon blinking rapidly through tears, and then there's less and less distance between them until there's none, and Jooheon's lips press against Changkyun's once more.

Jooheon kisses him as if Changkyun were timid, as if he might run away. But Changkyun has an iron grip on the pocket of his hoodie. He's not going anywhere. Jooheon can take his time, settle into this, just as Changkyun does, as he relaxes into it, as Jooheon breaks away for a second so they can breathe, washing away whatever insecurity or fear must've been there before. Jooheon reads it, and he presses forward again and kisses Changkyun.

Kissing isn't anything new for Changkyun, but kissing _Jooheon_ makes his toes curl, his head light. Jooheon, his best friend. Jooheon, who Changkyun trusts will lead and guide him into this with patience and understanding.

It makes sense that Changkyun fell for him, Changkyun thinks, as Jooheon breathes softly against his lips, kisses him without tongue just languid and slow and learning, as Changkyun finally lets go of the hoodie to cup Jooheon's jaw, as Jooheon backs him against the counter, one hand on the granite and the other settling politely on his waist.

When they break apart Changkyun's lips feel soft and tingly, his chest a little tight, his head spinning.

He looks at the stars in Jooheon eyes and thinks, _I’ve been so scared to lose this_.

Jooheon backs up a step but his hand doesn't move from Changkyuns waist. "I have…" he's a little breathless, lips slick and red _thats all you_ , a little evil voice in Changkyun's head supplies, "I have a lot of questions."

"Yeah." Is all Changkyun says, and bends for one more kiss, letting it linger.

A flare of hope shoots up into Jooheon's eyes. "First off… I'm a guy."

Changkyun laughs a little, mostly because of nerves, and fiddles with the pocket of Jooheon's hoodie. He sticks his hands in there. "I'm uh, still figuring that out, too."

"Well," Jooheon smiles. It's a small reserved one, but bristles with joy. "I'm really happy about that."

"What're your other questions?" Changkyun’s high, out of breath.

Jooheon shrugs, makes a choked off noise. "Uh, brain's not working."

"Until you remember…" Changkyun keeps his hands in the hoodie pocket and pulls, watching in amusement as surprise tugs all over Jooheon's face when he realizes he's being led to the bedroom. There's a split second where there are definitely some impure thoughts floating around in Jooheon’s head, his gaze darkening when the bedroom door closes behind them. The hunger in Jooheon’s gaze spikes hot in Changkyun's belly, and his mind spins when he realizes Jooheon wants him like _that_ , too.

Yep, not straight if he gets excited that another man looks at him with desire.

But it's soft again in a second, reminding Changkyun— again— why he fell for sweet, patient and understanding Jooheon. Jooheon, who has plenty of experience with men but knows that Changkyun doesn't, so he wills those types of thoughts away and instead drags his hands through Changkyun's hair, pushes his hair out of his face and kisses his forehead.

“You know…” Jooheon scrunches his nose. He’s so cute. “I’m so worried to live with you because I like you so much.”

“Oh.” Changkyun blinks at him. “We should talk about that…”

Jooheon nods, but runs a hand through Changkyun’s hair again. "When did you start… I don't know… feelings."

Changkyun closes his eyes as Jooheon kisses his forehead again. "I think… a while ago. I started liking you a while ago, but I realized it on Valentine's Day."

"Liking?" Jooheon blinks, mouth hanging open. "You _like_ me?"

Changkyun rolls his eyes and leans forward to kiss him.

"Okay, okay!" Jooheon laughs and pulls him onto the bed, where they lie side by side with Changkyun's arms around Jooheon, Jooheon's arms around his waist. He throws a leg over Jooheon's hips, laughing at the stunned reaction.

"I like you, Joo."

One of Jooheon's hands move to rub his thigh, up and down, from knee to hip. He's smiling, and Changkyun leans in to kiss him again.

"I like you too, Kyunnie. I have for a really long time."

Changkyun wants to ask of a _them_ but he doesn’t know if it’s okay, if it’s too soon or just right. So he'll settle on kissing Jooheon for now, running a hand through his hair and finally voicing some of his sweeter thoughts, burying a shy Jooheon in compliments, burying him in kisses. In so many kisses. Jooheon glows underneath all the attention.

“Hey,” Changkyun mumbles, muzzling into Jooheon’s neck. “I didn’t ask you...”

“Hm?”

This is the type of cheesy shit that Jooheon eats up. “Will you be my Valentine?”

Jooheon laughs, cuddles Changkyun a little harder and squirms when Changkyun kisses his neck.

Then he turns and kisses Changkyun full and so, so _sure_ it makes Changkyun’s heart skip. Jooheon slots their legs together and settles a hand on his waist, taking over all of Changkyun’s senses.

“I’ll be your Valentine,” Jooheon mumbles against his lips, “If you’ll be mine.”

“Yeah,” Changkyun drapes his arms around Jooheon’s shoulders, smirks as Jooheon kisses him, open mouthed and bolder, now, and hand running through his hair. “I’m all yours.”


End file.
